I’ve experienced quite a few things in life and by the Lords Mercies and Grace, I’ve overcame quite a bit of things as well but there’s one thing that I still today (sometimes) have an issue with and that’s LOVING ME!
For a long time I was afraid of loving me because I felt like I was unlovable – My dad bailed out on me when I was young and in almost 38yrs I’ve only met him twice; once at 8 and again at 14, only to never see him again; Did he not Love Me?
I really don’t know what Love truly is, growing up with a mother whom never learned to love herself either or what true love and/or her worth really meant – didn’t make life in that department easier for me. I had my share of relationships in which didn’t produce any help as I was looking for love in all the wrong places – It was then that I realized that I really wasn’t looking for love, I was looking for someone to do a job for me that I was too afraid to do for myself – LOVE ME.
It took some years, some bumps, some UPS and many, many downs to finally get to the place in I am at now, in which came as a result of a recent break-up. I know people a.k.a women whom are looking for relationships right now; they’re looking for companionship, someone to love them, support them and lift them up when their tired hands are too weak to do so and while that’s nice, I’ve realized that there are a few things that I have to work on within my own life such as (my health, my emotions and self-care) before I even attempt to look in the direction of wanting a mate.
Although it does get real discouraging sometimes because when you look around – most of the good men are either already taken or have been abused so badly; they wouldn’t know a good woman if she stood in front of them with a sign that said “Hey, I’m a Good Woman – Choose Me!!” they’d still keep going back to the woman that don’t mean them any good or if you did get with them, turn around and hurt you – because that’s all they know.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve turned on the news or scrolled the internet to see how abusive men have become in relationships, some to the point of death and if that doesn’t scare you; the many dating sites they have out right now are no better – the commercial shows you these couples whom met online and made it work, they show them laughing and holding hands and kissing each other and it looks so cute; so much so to the point that it makes you want to open an account to find a love just like they have. But, everyone is not whom they say behind the walls of the “world wide web” as anyone can make themselves out to be anyone – they can be rich, successful, driven and seem like your dream guy – they can even make themselves as handsome or as gorgeous as they want by picking a picture off of Google and Bing and placing it on their site – in which now makes the commercial you just watched a lie. Sorry, don’t mean to be the Debby Downer!
So why not LOVE YOURSELF! When we fail to do this first, then we get into situations like the one’s outlined above; When you learn to LOVE YOU and build your WORTH first, then and only then will you be able to recognize what it is you really want in a relationship, you become unwilling to accept just anything for the forsake of “just being loved by someone”. Knowing your WORTH helps you realize your full potential and who you really are; and once you know that, you will not want to just “get” with anyone whom will not care for you or love you the way that you love yourself.
I know it’s hard to try and pray for an ABEL in what seems like a CAIN land but I really believe within my heart and spirit that if we ladies and gents learn to become married to ourselves first; then I do truly believe that God will send someone along that will marry us for real.
In the meantime, continue to BE YOURSELF, LOVE YOURSELF & make the song below your new THEME SONG! Because you have STRENGTH, COURAGE & WISDOM on the inside of you and no matter what goes or WHO comes along BE HAPPY WITH YOU FIRST!